Our Desire to Be Loved

“We loved with a love that was more than love.” – Edgar Allan Poe

“Where there is love there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“I love you, and that’s the beginning and the end of everything.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT

I believe one of the greatest human desires each of us possess can be found in our need to be loved by someone.  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross once wrote, “I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love.  There is no mistaking love…It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heats our soul, that energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives.”

These words hold deep meaning – especially to those of us who have never been the recipient of a love like that or have found ourselves in relationships that were superficial, one-sided, or shallow at best.

I’m not talking about the kind of love that is found in families or friendships.  I am talking about an interconnectedness and an intimacy found within a meaningful, monogamous relationship with someone special – where bloodlines or family duty are not the cement that holds the love in place.  When you are loved by someone independent and outside of those boundaries and connections, the power behind that kind of love is the type that fulfills the greatest of human desires I mentioned earlier.  There is something about the choice to remain and stay or leave and abandon that makes this type of relational love either blissful beyond measure or devastating beyond our ability to handle.

When that kind of love is absent in our lives, we can feel a variety of difficult emotions: rejection, poor self-esteem, loneliness, separation, unworthiness, and shamefulness.

You might not be experiencing this kind of void in your life currently, and if that’s the case; you are truly blessed!  If you’re one of those folks who are, here are some things to consider – things that have come to my own mind as I’ve personally dealt with this kind of lack in my own life.

The “Humanness” Found within Desire

When I’ve contemplated the absence of being loved by someone special and the desire connected to that emptiness, I’ve found myself immersed in “myself” 😊

Was the lack of my fulfillment more about my ego?  Was it more about self-pity and self-confidence than it was about a lack of love?  In other words, was the desire more about pride, self-esteem, and self-centeredness or was it really aligned in being the humble recipient of the love from another human being?  Was the desire to be loved more about self-love?

Every need or desire has a form of “humanness” at its root – an aspect of it that is egocentric, narcissistic, and selfish in nature.  In this case, the need to be loved by someone may be more about bolstering our own value and self-image within our own mind.

If you find yourself desiring the love of another, take a hard look in the mirror and meditate on the foundations of that desire – determining if it’s more about YOU than anything else.

The Spiritual, Divine Call to Love

Funny thing, but nowhere in the Bible can you find a call to be LOVED BY OTHERS.   On the contrary, we are commanded to LOVE OTHERS, to GIVE OF OURSELVES when others offend or take advantage of us, and to LOVE OUR GOD with every fiber of our being.

“Love each other as I have loved you. This is what I’m commanding you to do.” – John 15:12 GOD’S WORD translation

“If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, let him slap your left cheek too.  And if someone takes you to court to sue you for your shirt, let him have your coat as well.  If someone forces you to go one mile, go two miles with him. When someone asks you for something, give it to him; when someone wants to borrow something, lend it to him.” – Matthew 39-42 GNT

Jesus replied, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.  A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.” –  Matthew 22:37-39 NLT

When you think about it, there is a higher calling, a higher purpose found in extending love versus our desire to be loved.  I believe in my heart this calling is at the very center of our existence here in this world – to learn how to love in the absence of being loved by others.

When you feel that lack of love from another, choose to pour out love instead 😊

Think for a moment if each and everyone of us followed that course.  ALL OF US would be surrounded by an outpouring of love TOWARD us!  What a wonderful thought!

The Deeper Purposes Found in God’s Command to Love Him

As I look at my desire to be loved by someone, I wish it would be as simple as God commanding us to love Him 😊 Nothing like standing on a mountain top and shouting, “YOU MUST LOVE ME!  I COMMAND IT!  And not just simply love me, but love me with ALL of your heart, in every fiber of your soul, and with ALL of your mind!”

I mentioned earlier the humanistic, egocentric need behind the desire to be loved by someone.  But think about this:  God is far from human! 

So where does this desire to be loved come from?  Why is it commanded of us?  Why so brazenly and audaciously is it demanded from every ounce of our being?

Some say God has a desire to be loved just like we do – to bask in the joy found in the love and gratitude of His children.

But I want you to think of this in a deeper, more profound way, meaning… Is God really driven by a desire to be loved?  How can the God of the universe have a need or desire for anything?

“Can a man be of benefit to God?  Can even a wise man benefit him?  What pleasure would it give the Almighty if you were righteous?  What would He gain if your ways were blameless?” – Job 22:1-3 NIV

When you think about it, His command to be loved is more about loving us than His desire or need to be loved 😊 It is being loved with a love that is more than love!

He knows when we love Him it moves us closer to Him in prayer – benefiting from His wisdom, guidance, and direction.  It provides us grace when we need it most and indescribable peace in any circumstance we face.  God isn’t changed by our love for Him, but He knows how deeply we are changed when we love Him and seek His presence in our lives.

If you are feeling empty and alone tonight – longing to be loved by someone special, remember why you are here in the first place – to learn how to love in the absence of being loved by others.  When you feel unloved, pour out your love toward others – knowing it has a higher, more divine purpose than a need or desire to be loved.  Connect egocentric love with that desire, the humanness behind it and how it is often rooted in self-interest, self-pity, and self-satisfaction.

When you are feeling a desire to be loved, realize how truly loved you are, even in God’s command for you to love Him 😊 It’s really all about loving YOU my friend!

When you focus on loving God and loving others, the love you seek will find you 😊  Where there is love, there is life. God bless!!

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