“Creativity requires courage to let go of certainties.” – Erich Fromm

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” – C.C. Lewis

Tonight, I feel like David did the evening after he was visited by the prophet Nathan in the 12^th chapter of 2 Samuel. That night, he took a hard look in the mirror and didn’t like what he saw.  He told Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” 

It’s no revelation to realize our sinfulness, but there are times in our lives when we feel the depth of our humanness – when we see just how weak, pathetic, and wretched we can become.  Worse yet, we connect with our inability to erase our absurdity – to go back and change things as if they had never happened. 

It’s like a red wine stain on a white carpet – impossible to remove and always a reminder of our clumsiness the night it happened.

David knew what he did could never be taken back – the consequences were irrevocable.  That same night, he crafted a psalm – part of which I would like to share below:

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.  Cast me not away from thy presence and take not thy Holy Spirit from me.  Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with thy free spirit.” – Psalm 51: 10-12 KJV

David understood that only God could change him – that only the Creator himself could make things right again.  He looked back at his indiscretions and saw a man incapable of doing anything right or good – especially alone and of his own accord.

Create in me a clean heart, O God

I love the use of the word create – to bring something into existence that isn’t there.  A remorseful, repentant David knew that nothing good lied at the center of his tainted heart and that God would need to craft and construct a new one for him.  He saw the permanent wine stain on his heart and realized only God could make the white carpet inside brand new again.

Renew a right spirit within me

Renew means to reintroduce, to restart, or to renovate.  David had fallen so far away from what was right and good.  He asked God for a conscious again – an inner voice that spoke to him about good principles, moral standards, and divine guidance.  Left to his own devices, he knew he was filled with poor judgements and skewed perspectives.

Cast me not away from thy presence and take not thy Holy Spirit from me

David feared that the depth of his sin would repel a Holy God from staying by his side.  He asked God to not withdraw or take away the Holy Spirit – the inner guide and counselor he so desperately needed!  Without God and the Holy Spirit residing in his heart, David knew he couldn’t make it on his own.

Restore onto me the joy of thy salvation and uphold me with thy free spirit

I love how he asks God to help him focus on Him – His grace, mercy, and forgiveness.  As he sat in the midst of his devastating consequences, he wanted to be reminded of the loving nature of our Father – freely giving us the support, guidance, and reassurance we need.  Within our faults and sinfulness, God’s grace is never earned or deserved.  What joy this brings to my heart!

Father,

I need a new heart again – one that is spirit-filled and ready to serve you and others!  Only you can create something new in me again!  Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me, for without you, I am nothing.  Your Holy Spirit brings life and light to me.  Without His guidance and direction, I am destined to fail on my own.  Give me the courage to create new and right things in my life – letting go of all the negative certainties that hold me captive.

Help me to focus on you and not my failures – knowing that your grace is unlimited, your love boundless, and your forgiveness unending!  The thought of this brings me such joy and peace!  When I fall, I know you are there upholding me with your Spirit that is free – never given based on my own abilities or right-standing.  You and you alone are my righteousness, Father! 

Thank you for making me whole again, and again, and again….

Amen