“Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.” – C.S. Lewis

“Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die.” – Joyce Meyer

“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner.” – Unknown

“Forgiveness is the economy of the heart…. forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” – Hannah More

Have you ever been hurt to the point where forgiveness seems impossible or out of the question?  The offense was so egregious, so life changing, that to forgive the person is beyond human comprehension. 

I was talking about writing on this subject with my wife Julie the other morning and she said something that touched my spirit:  Forgiveness is one of the hardest things God asks of us.  Sometimes I wonder if this fact helps each of us embrace the essence of Christianity and our faith a little deeper.

Our faith, our redemption, and our future are contingent upon the crucifixion and the resurrection – God in the flesh defeating sin and making us righteous – worthy of a future forever with Him.  Forgiveness, a gift given to us and not earned, is at the center of this tremendous sacrifice.  When we are asked to forgive and the human difficulty connected to that, puts an exclamation point on what a holy, righteous God has done for mankind.  Think about the depth of that kind of love and the power associated with what is unarguably the most impactful act the universe has ever seen.  When it is hard to forgive, remember this simple truth my friend 😊

When I look back at the times in my life I have failed to forgive, a couple of things come to mind.

First, I cannot make any associations with how my unforgiveness impacted or didn’t impact the person I chose not to forgive.  Were they happy or miserable as a result?  Did they ache deep inside because of what they had done to me, or did it never cross their mind again?  Did my decision to hang on to the hurt effect of how they lived or did it change the course of their life?  Quite literally, I have no idea what happened in their mind or heart – how it changed or didn’t change them. 

My judgement to withhold forgiving them didn’t make any tangible difference.  My dictate to apply my own form of justice seemed inconsequential. 

All my efforts to keep them chained to their crime through unforgiveness inadvertently chained me to the memories of what happened.  It made me miserable and the injustice crossed my mind every day for years.  It changed the course of my life and because I couldn’t let it go, it negatively impacted my future relationships in ways that I am still trying to heal from today.  Choosing not to forgive impacted my own life more than it did the offenders. 

Secondly, applying a form of justice to the offender through unforgiveness is not a power we possess.  We are given the power to forgive, but to dictate justice, to make someone accountable for their wrongs by holding on to the hurt isn’t a role we should play.

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for God’s wrath [and His judicial righteousness]; for it is written [in Scripture], “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.” – Romans 12:19 Amplified Bible

Our Father in heaven is the only righteous judge of all mankind.  Some translations of this verse say “leave room for God’s anger” – implying that God isn’t happy with any kind of injustice.  He will make everything right in the end, as only a just God can do.

Thirdly, we falsely believe that unforgiveness places a spotlight on the wrong and that forgiveness has a way of erasing what happened.  We think that when we forgive, the wrong deed or action can be swept under the carpet and ignored.  This is the furthest thing from truth.

“So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” – Romans 14:12 NIV

“But I tell you, on the day of judgment people will have to give an accounting for every careless or useless word they speak.” –  Matthew 12:36 Amplified Bible

Forgiveness never erases the offense or nullifies the consequences of wrong actions.  It doesn’t eliminate accountability or cause the offense to simply disappear.  Forgiveness opens the door to healing and new beginnings for those who are hurt and allows God’s mercy and grace to change the offender in ways that He deems appropriate and just.

And lastly, when we egotistically withhold forgiveness, we fail so often to see the paradox of our personal need for it.  How can we boldly ask to be forgiven yet hold it back from others?

Forgiveness is such a priceless and precious gift, and as I mentioned earlier, is the precipice of all we can become in eternity due to the sacrifice of a loving, gracious, merciful God.  It requires nothing of us then to believe in and receive it.  How can we receive this free gift and yet harbor contempt in our hearts for others who need forgiveness from us?  How can we make others pay a price for their sins against us when our own forgiveness is graciously given?

“For it is by grace [God’s remarkable compassion and favor drawing you to Christ] that you have been saved [actually delivered from judgment and given eternal life] through faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [not through your own effort], but it is the [undeserved, gracious] gift of God;” – Ephesians 2:8 Amplified Bible

What would it feel like if we were forever branded unforgiven?  Have you contemplated the consequences of such a judgement from God?

Have you thought about how unforgiveness hurts you more than the offense itself – creating internal scars in the heart and mind that impact your personal healing and growth – your future and all you can become?

Have you come to realize that it isn’t your place to apply justice on others through unforgiveness, but instead are commanded to forgive?

In this life, we must face the consequences of our own sinfulness, including the sin of failing to forgive, but praise God for His unending mercy, grace, and love for us.  Praise Christ for His sacrifice that makes each of us righteous again before God!

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” – Romans 8:1-2 NIV

“For the death that He died, He died to sin [ending its power and paying the sinner’s debt] once and for all; and the life that He lives, He lives to [glorify] God [in unbroken fellowship with Him].” – Romans 6:10 Amplified Bible

My friend…. how can we not strike the phrase “unforgiven” from our vocabularies and from our lives?  May God grant each of us the strength and the power to love as He loves us!