“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9 NIV

“It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.” – David Jones

“Feelings are just visitors.  Let them come and go.” – Mooji

“He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but whoever walks wisely will be delivered.” – Proverbs 28:26 NKJV

A few years back, I was a Divisional Training Manager with a national restaurant chain.  There was a period of time during that job where I took on the role of an instructor – teaching management skills and techniques in a classroom setting.  To help us with this task, the organization gave us training in a course entitled “Elements of Instruction” – based on teaching techniques studied by Madeline Hunter.  The central idea was to employ certain teaching techniques to increase the chances for students (in this case managers) to learn, retain, and use what was being taught to them.

One of the techniques was called “Feeling Tone” – the emotional atmosphere that was created by an instructor within the learning environment.  If Feeling Tone was very positive emotionally, there was a greater chance learning would be retained at a higher rate than if it were more neutral.  This is why instructors tell stories, play games, have open dialogue versus lecture – all in an effort to make learning a more positive experience emotionally.  If it is, chances are what is being taught will be remembered and easily recalled.

Unfortunately, feeling tone also works on the opposite spectrum.  If the emotional atmosphere is very negative – filled with powerful, raw emotion, the chances of what the student is experiencing will be remembered in equal measure.  Think of drill sergeants or “Scared Straight” instructors and you will connect with the idea of negative feeling tone being used to enforce learning.

Think for a moment about feeling tone and how it relates to your life experiences.

Think about a time when you experienced some of the greatest joy of your life.  As an example, for me, the birth of my girls and certain memories associated with my family hold a special place in my heart.  I remember those days with GREAT DETAIL – each situation, what was said, and who was present.  Even though much time has passed, those memories are etched in my mind – embedded there forever.

Now think about some of the worst experiences of your life – moments filled with great despair and heavy emotions.  Can you see how feeling tone is equally powerful?  Chances are, you remember those moments as if they happened yesterday – never to be forgotten or erased from your thoughts.

When I was in kindergarten, I was extremely small – at least a head shorter than everyone else.  I was thrown off of a merry-go-round by some boys and happen to slide underneath it.  No one stopped it.  There was no teacher around or playground monitor who saw what was happening and intervened.  I was kicked and kicked and kicked by all the kids riding it as they laughed each time they passed me by – some kicking extra hard and some spitting on me.

Remember….this happened to me decades ago!  But I remember it like it was yesterday.  Even to this day, that event has shaped my self-concept, my confidence around others, and feeling when it comes to a group of people – I just don’t belong.

Now, if I asked you to remember what happened three weeks ago last Thursday, on a normal, routine, run-of-the-mill day, chances are you would need to think hard for a moment about what really happened that day.  Again, here is another example of feeling tone at work.  When events and circumstances are pretty neutral – not too positive or too negative – they easily slip away from our thoughts and leave our minds without too much effort.

How has feeling tone affected your own life?  What extremely positive or tremendously negative experiences have shaped who you are, how you feel about life, how you view relationships, or more importantly the quality of your life NOW?

As you contemplate those events and circumstances, think about this:

Emotions are not necessarily congruent with truth.  Feelings are not directly connected with the reality of a situation – nor are they always legitimate.

Take my kindergarten/merry-go-round example.  What is the truth behind what took place?  Here are a bunch of five-year-olds – hardly capable of forming good, moral judgments or making sound decisions – yet decades later, I am holding fast to a belief about myself and my acceptance within groups based on THEIR actions?  Certainly, my feelings (feeling tone) were powerfully negative in that moment – etching that event into my mind so deeply, but when you look at the TRUTH of what was taking place, it should hold no weight or be given any credence when it comes to who I am today or how I see myself.

So, my friend, think hard about your own experiences and how feeling tone has solidified them in your mind…. but what is truth?  What is really legitimate or real?

We allow the words of an abusive father, who was often drunk and far from clear thinking, to dictate how we view who we are and our value as a person.  If the truth be known, their poor, harsh, unloving ways were more about how they were treated as they grew up and had very little to do with you.

We allow the spouse who left us for someone else make us feel worthless and unlovable.  Yet if the truth be known, it was more about their own weakness, lust, and selfish desires than it was about who you were as a partner and mate.

We let a stressed-out supervisor make us feel undervalued.  We embrace the hurtful words of a friend, feeling as if we don’t matter, when they are simple passing along the terrible hurt they are feeling inside of themselves.  We allow the teenager who is out of control to make us feel like a miserable parent, when we don’t see or understand clearly what is happening inside of them to cause the reaction we are witnessing.

Can you see the tremendous impact of feeling tone on emotions yet how often it is so distant, so remote from truth?

I love the two Scripture verses above – reminding us that the heart (how we feel) is often deceptive and beyond understanding – and why it is so important to walk wisely – discerning the difference between deeply seeded emotions and truth.

Tonight, I hope you ponder the power of feeling tone – recalling the intensely emotional events of your life and how they have shaped you to this day.  I pray that you search for the wisdom and truth found within each – seeing them in a new and different light.

And remember what I said about the neutrality of feeling tone – a place where most of us live our lives day to day – within the routine and mundane.

How can you add, inject, or insert some powerful emotions within your tomorrow?  How can you use feeling tone and its power to remind someone of how much you love them and how much they mean to you?  How can you make a routine day at work one that is memorable to someone special – letting them know how truly valuable they are?  What words can you speak or what actions can you take as a parent, a friend, a sibling or a child, to create powerful emotions that are lasting and remembered?

May God bless each and every one of you – now and always 🙂