“The more you let yourself be known, the more you’ll connect with others who care about who you really are.” – Brené Brown.

“Intimacy isn’t just sex. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.” – Unknown. 

When it comes to human connection, I can think of nothing higher, greater, or more fulfilling than to experience true intimacy – deeply knowing another person and at the same time…. feeling deeply known.

Intimacy is the pinnacle in any relationship, yet if we were honest with ourselves, how often in our lives have we attained it?  At what point in your life have you felt TRUE intimacy – a connection with someone that was closer than words can describe, entirely saturated in unconditional love and support, and more importantly; one that was reciprocal in nature?

It’s funny (and I guess not so funny) that the word intimacy is spoken and quickly our minds think of it in terms of sexuality.  I’m certainly not a prude and realize the importance of physical intimacy within a relationship, but a marriage can be filled to the brim with sexual passion and yet there can still be no intimacy – a TRUE intimacy that is both physical and emotional in nature.  I would even venture to say that when it comes to physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy is vital – a connection between two people that is at the deepest core of who they are – a connection of souls – or true intimacy cannot be realized.

Think of friendships that never reach a level of true intimacy.  The connection might be more casual, superficial, or long distance.  It could involve only one small aspect of our lives like work relationships, school friends, or people that share a hobby of ours that we interact with from time to time.  

Think of families and how they reach out to one another, but there is no true intimacy involved whatsoever.  The familiarity seems to breed more arguments, disagreements, and disillusionment than reciprocal, unconditional love.

We all long for TRUE intimacy, but it seems so evasive!  What gets in the way of something so precious and rare – something each of us long for so desperately in our lives?

Of course, ego is a tremendous obstacle.  Ego operates on the philosophy of “What’s in it for me?”  It acts as a scorekeeper – making sure that whoever or whatever is the object of its love is returning love in equal kind.   Ego NEVER wants to feel like a doormat – loving and getting walked all over in the process.  The pride of ego never allows for a state of vulnerability – absolutely essential to true intimacy. To be “fully known” by someone else, we need to share our weaknesses, our struggles, our deepest desires and greatest fears.  Most of us dread looking awful, weak, and needy in front of the person we love, but true intimacy cannot be reached without this kind of openness – and more importantly, without this kind of honesty.  This form of pride ruins relationships – especially being open with someone who turns your weaknesses into weapons they can use against you.

Ego by nature is selfish and you cannot “deeply know another person” unless you place yourself second.  This requires humility and a form of loving obsession – a deep desire to know what lies in the heart and the mind of the person you love.  It becomes more important to find out about their day, what is troubling them, how you can help them reach their goals, and how you can meet their needs.

Given our human condition, doesn’t it almost seem impossible to attain TRUE intimacy?  Given a society that promotes self-preservation and self-interests first and foremost, how can one ever be “fully known” by someone else?  In today’s world, how can I trust someone enough, open up my heart to them without fear, and cut through all the superficial things like looks and materialism to get to know their soul in a way that nurtures TRUE intimacy?

In my opinion, it begins with a couple of things:

BEING ENLIGHTENED TO GOD’S TRUE INTIMACY WITH US THROUGH AGAPE LOVE

Unless you’ve contemplated, experienced firsthand, or sought to connect with God’s love for YOU, I don’t think the concept of TRUE intimacy can be fully understood.  More importantly, I don’t think it can be humanly attained or realized.

Why is this you might ask?  Because love is the very essence of God. 

It encompasses all He is and all He does, and He does it in the highest form possible.  “Agape” love is a form of love that is pure, immeasurable, and sacrificial in nature.  It loves unconditionally and it always endures regardless of the circumstances.  It voluntarily decides to be last, to be the one to hurt, to be inconvenienced, and to suffer for the benefit of the one being loved.

It keeps no record of being loved in return, in fact; that isn’t even a part of the equation.  Agape love is entirely focused on the subject of its love – at any and all costs.

Speaking of being “fully known”, no one knows us better than our Creator!  Take time to read Psalm 139 – a beautiful depiction of a God who saw us as we were formed in our mother’s womb, who is with us wherever we go, who knows the words we are going to speak before we even open our mouth, and who knows how each day of our life will play out.  He knows EVERY DETAIL of who we are and what will become of our life.  He understands our weaknesses yet never stops loving us. 

He never leaves us and is always right beside us.  He is ready to listen and ready to help – anytime day or night.  There is no greater form of intimacy we can ever experience!

In my view, unless we BELIEVE in this love, understand the divine humility behind it, and see the tremendous sacrifice surrounding it, we can’t begin to understand its connection to intimacy.  Unless we have consciously received and understood the nature of agape love, we cannot even fathom TRUE intimacy – say nothing about sharing it with someone else.

TRUE intimacy begins and ends with the Alpha and Omega!

If we desire it within our marriages, our families and our friendships, we must seek to understand it, humbly receive and embrace it, and BELIEVE it to be the very character and nature of the God we serve – the kind of love he wants us to emulate toward others.

BECOME “EQUALLY YOKED”

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV

This is one of those Scripture verses that often offends people who are in the process of learning more about who God is and what He is all about.  It comes across as arrogant – implying that believers are higher class, upright, and privileged do-gooders. 

Trust me, I am very spiritual and a believer, but I am far from high class, farther from upright, and very, very far away from being any kind of good and privileged person.

The point this verse is trying to make is how we are “yoked” to our mates and friends – bonded together – having ties to one another.  A yoke is a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (such as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together.  This Scripture verse is making an analogy for us regarding being in relationships that are not like-minded – being “yoked” to someone who is working against you and not with you.

If you understand the concept of agape love and strive to incorporate it into your relationship, and your partner has never heard of it, but rather chooses to love based on conditions or is selfish and far from sacrificial, then you will never experience TRUE intimacy.  As the Scripture verse states, “What fellowship has light with darkness?”  How can someone who is enlightened to the idea of agape love ever experience intimacy (especially TRUE intimacy) with someone who doesn’t believe in it?

You may experience physical intimacy, maybe even brief moments of emotional intimacy, but you will never experience TRUE, DEEP intimacy when you are “unequally yoked”.

Even if you choose to practice agape love with someone who is selfish, loving only when it benefits them, or someone who lets their pride get in the way of being truly vulnerable and open, and you choose to keep loving and loving and loving them no matter what, no matter how much it hurts, that love will have no intimacy associated with it.  There will be no “deeply knowing another person and at the same time – being deeply known.

You see, God loves us with an agape kind of love and if we fail to love Him sacrificially and without condition in return, there is no intimacy either.  We fail to truly get to know Him in an intimate way – just like the relationship I just described above.

To experience TRUE intimacy, we must be “equally yoked” with spouses, friends, and family members who see things in the same way – individuals who understand how important agape love is in relationship to intimacy – who long for it as much as we do and who understand the sacrifice it requires from both parties to make it work.

If you are currently “unequally yoked”, one partner or friend more enlightened to this truth than the other, share the love of the Father with them J  Learn more about it together – striving for TRUE intimacy within your relationship.

Loving someone to your own detriment or personal cost is hard.  Lifting someone else up while you settle for second place goes against human nature.  Caring deeply about someone who never loves you back is painful, but agape love is at the center of intimacy!   Learn to love each other God’s way and TRUE intimacy is right around the corner for you J

TRUE intimacy is my prayer for all of us tonight – a deeper level of love with a spouse, a best friend, or the members of your family that you have never experienced before.

Become a student – studying and striving to understand how God loves.  Incorporate that agape love into who you are and how you choose to love the people in your life.  Look for mates, partners, and friends who are equally “yoked” – equally enlightened and fascinated in working hard toward loving relationships that are filled with TRUE intimacy.

God bless!