“I feel so much that it is hard for me at times to feel anything at all.” – Mary Kate Teske

“What hurts us is what heals us.” – Paulo Coelho

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” – Unknown

In the last article I wrote, we talked about feelings, how to challenge the truth within them, to see the beauty of their paradoxical unity, and to know that a loving God is there to help us as we face them.

But as I mentioned, feelings have a dark side.  Many of us (myself included) try our best to avoid them when they surface.  Avoidance in and of itself isn’t necessarily the issue.  The problem with dark, difficult feelings (and our need to avoid them) lies in the methods we use to stuff them down or keep them at bay.

What do you do when negative, difficult and hurtful feelings arise?

Some of us turn to alcohol to lift our mood.  We love the way it sort of numbs us and changes how we see things.  In the moment, we can feel happy again.

Drugs can make us feel euphoric or even sedated – taking the sting out of any harsh realities we currently face or from the demons of our past.

We can feel loved again, nurtured, and desired by engaging in the affair – escaping the difficult challenges within our marriage.

We can find moments of comfort, enjoyment, and soothing by eating foods that taste good and bring back certain positive memories.

We can create an entirely different reality by immersing ourselves in video games, certain movies, or types of entertainment that let us escape temporarily from the pain and hurt.

When you think about it, all of these things are short-term, fleeting, and impermanent.  Some of them are destructive and harmful in the long run.

Worst yet, you can be like me – the kind of person who doesn’t take measures to avoid dark feelings but ruminates in them – thinking about them over and over again as if my mind is set on auto-replay.  They become like the water in a hot tub – I soak in them, letting them boil and circulate all around me.  Just like staying in a hot tub too long, if I remain in this state of mind for too long a period, it can take me to a point of collapse.  This mindset has a way of skewing reality – getting too lost and absorbed in the darkness, making it impossible to see any positive, any goodness that is truly a part of your life in the moment.

Be honest with yourself today.  How do you deal with trying NOT to feel?  Are any of your methods potentially dangerous, risky, or unsafe to you and others?  Do you take the opposite approach – deliberating and pondering them in excess, bringing yourself to the point of frustration, agony, and hopelessness?

Is there a RIGHT way to deal with hurtful, dark feelings? 

Bring Them into the Light

“All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely – exactly as it is” – Buddha

Every method we use in avoidance of darker feelings brings with it greater levels of unhappiness.  We must learn to bring the darker emotions like hurt, despair, and hopelessness into the light – allowing ourselves the ability to analyze them without judgement.

When we tamp them down, distract ourselves, or chemically alter our state of mind to avoid them, we never come to a place of opening our hearts and minds to effectively changing the very thing that is causing them to arise.

Very, very positive character attributes like patience, courage, and authenticity are developed in the midst of looking at the source of darker emotions and addressing the reality of their origins.  When you think about it, this is truly the only pathway to happiness.

See the Creator as the Source of ALL Feelings and Emotions

God created us with human feelings – to experience a spectrum of emotions.  Would a loving God allow darker emotions without purpose?  Does He have ultimate authority and jurisdiction over them and their impact on us?  Would He allow darker feelings to teach us, gives us greater wisdom, and brings us deeper clarity in the long run?

When we see God as the ultimate Source and Creator of our emotions, we can begin to face them differently.  We begin to see how they guide us to the right paths, reveal deeper purposes, and teach us what we need to learn as we journey here.  Instead of accepting only the positive ones and keeping the negative ones at bay, we begin to see the value and blessings we receive by allowing ALL feelings to surface – both the good and bad.  Trust God has greater purposes within them, that He is ultimately in control of their intensity, and that He is molding us into who we were created to be through their use and design.

Think about these spiritual truths within the context of dark emotions:

“I am never alone in what I face.”

“There is nothing I have done or ever could do that would separate me from God’s love and care.”

“I am and have always been forgiven….so I in turn can forgive.”

“God knows exactly where I have been, where I am, and where I am going.  He has a plan for me that is filled with goodness, growth and destiny.”

“My burdens are temporary – never permanent.”

“The Divine is always at work in my life – especially during times of hardship and difficulty.”

Today, I hope you take time to think about any behaviors or habits you might have that are designed to avoid dealing with darker feelings and emotions.  It’s my prayer that you decide to face them instead, bringing them into the light where you can begin to address the very source or essence of them.  It is only in the light, in a state of reality, where difficult emotions can be resolved – leading to health and happiness.

Trust the Creator of these human feelings and emotions – believing there is a greater purpose found within them.  Allow them to be used in your life to guide you, to develop your compassion and courage, and to point you in the direction of your destiny.

God bless!